Friday, January 30, 2015

Hopeless Existence

I slide on my deceitful mask of exultation before I start my day. My true nature lay hidden behind a fa├žade of false emotions, for my insides tell a different story. The soul I hold so dear is being eaten away by an endless void. I stand here alone, in the darkness of my own personal hell. I hear voices of the ones who care calling for me, guiding me to safety, but they are only echoes that flow endlessly around me. I continue on in search for my own sanity, but it eludes me. I’m lost in life.

My meaning in this world has no clear direction. Weak is how I will be perceived, so I wrap my feelings in a veil of deception. I tie my mouth closed so the words that are stored in my mind do not escape and reveal the wrong meaning. There is no one who can help, or maybe, I do not wish to seek out help, but instead, go about my day in lies. Nothing matters; nothing is of concern, as I struggle to achieve the simplest chores. The energy that once drove me has been washed away into the sea of despair. All I do, all I attempt, is a failure, and at times, it’s a failure in a life that fades further away.  Is it that I don’t care, or is it that I have given up? My personal demons are beckoning me to journey to the other side; to blow away the emotional dandelion seeds of mental anguish and put my fragile soul to rest. The small glistening metal of death shines brilliantly in my fractured mind, gravitating towards the pulsating life line in my wrist.
 I check my watch, only to discover that only five minutes have passed. This day, like every other one, will continue for now. For I wait until the next unforeseen disaster in my chaotic life to send those echoing voices who are trying to guide me, into that void forever.
I lie in bed and remove my mask, causing the walls of sorrow to drift towards me. No one understands; no one can comprehend. I turn to the side and pull the sheets over my head in a desperate attempt to shield me from the world outside. I pray that one day this horrific spiral of doom I dwell in will someday reveal the ever so elusive light at the end of the tunnel. Just one day. Just one day of glimmering hope.

Read More: A Light of Hope

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  1. Your words are hauntingly beautiful, my friend. A day at a time.

  2. I love this but hate this at the same time. I love the artistry of the words and the feelings they evoke but hate that anyone should feel this way. Hugs and snugs from this side of the world Mr Hermann.